Bad choices/Bad relationships. “If I had it all to
do over again, I would not have been with that person.” Have you ever come out of
a relationship or marriage that went nowhere or know someone who has and heard
that phrase, or similar, repeated? I feel differently. Though I wish I had not
made the choices in relationships I had, I’m still grateful for them and would
not want to undo any of them. See…there were some choices I would have made
that for whatever reason God just never
did allow to be. I see those cases as His protection from whatever I
believe would just have TOTALLY destroyed me. But the choices that I did make
that He allowed (I had the free will choice and He allowed) I can look back now
and see how they catapulted me further in my spiritual walk with my Creator. Let
me preface my next few statements with the fact that not everyone has to go
through some bad choices in order to be the person that they are supposed to
be. But I do firmly believe that my Creator knew everything about me from the
time I was formed in my mother’s womb and HE KNEW what things He would need to
allow Charlotte to go through and what things He would totally not allow the
enemy to plant in my life. See before I made all my bad choices, though I had
genuine love for others, I believe I was somewhat “secretly” judgmental of other people’s
bad choices. “How could they do that? I would never do THAT…” I was 31 years
old before I ever had my 1st date (yes…pick your mouth up off the
floor). So, it’s no wonder that one guy whom I’d met when I was 34 felt the
need to tell me after he’d seen me about 7 years later that I had low
self-esteem when I 1st met him. When I last saw him I’d dropped the 5’1
and 232 lb frame he once knew along with I guess some other characteristics I
carried. At first I was offended that he thought I ever had low self-esteem but
the more I thought about it he was right. Because the fact was that I was in a
period of failure to realize my esteem came from my Creator. I was able to take
all the things I learned from the short-lived relationships and pour them into
my personal growth in ways I never imagined. Now when I’m looking down at a
woman or man I’m seeing someone that I “secretly” hope will drop their pride
and let me reach out my hand to pull them up. I just want them to have the same
life-changing grace that I’ve experienced. My vision is different because of
all my bad choices; every last one.
Some may not believe
this…but when I was a little girl God gave me a very small glimpse into me
straying from my devotion to Him later in life. As a little girl I did not understand
at all what He was showing me because of the beliefs I held. I think back now
to the heart of that little girl and see that like Peter she was in denial. But
somehow, God knew she would be able to handle what He was showing her. I
genuinely cried and told God that if I ever walked away He had to promise me
that He wouldn’t let me go or that He’d have to pursue my soul. Well, He
honored that little girl’s prayer because here I am…the woman I am today. And I
am forever grateful. 
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