It's been a while since I've sat down and blogged. I've been quite preoccupied but this was on my mind earlier this week so I thought I'd share it. It's a touchy subject but I believe that it is important to address, especially in the time that we live in today. Some might agree, some might disagree...just keep in mind this particular thought is based on what I read in scripture and believe, not Charlotte's words. :) Let me ask this question... how often have your heard or known a God-fearing person, who clearly has the ability or has learned what it means to hear what God says to them, say they made a certain decision based on what a prophet, minister, pastor, or other "seasoned" believer told them God said to do INSPITE OF them KNOWING or STRONGLY BELIEVING for themselves God told them to do differently? You probably have heard or seen this quite often right? Maybe you were that person who did differently from what God clearly instructed you to do? I've been there and done that. Let me point out that we are not above receiving direction from others especially those we consider our spiritual guides but it is so important to note that if you consider yourself a spirit led person (and I am talking about God the father Spirit here) you better be VERY SURE you're doing what someone else tells you to do because YOU KNOW it's God. It hasn't happened to me a lot but I cringe when I think of the times I followed someone else's instruction because I THOUGHT they heard from God (even though in my spirit it didn't feel right). I hadn't learned how to discern when God was telling me something and when He wasn't; so I fail prey to someone WHO SAID God told them a particular thing. Read I Kings 13 - the whole chapter. It's very intriguing but also very relevant to those of us who live spirit led lives today. It tells of this "man of God" which the Bible does not give his name but he was instructed to go give words to this King regarding his ways of running the Israelite kingdom; God wasn't pleased at all! Well, this King was so impressed with all that occurred in his encounter with this "man of God" that the King invited him to come home so he could be given a reward. Well the "man of God" made it unequivocally clear that he could not because God had already instructed him what his purpose was and he was to leave the King after he'd fulfilled the purpose for which he was sent. HOWEVER, there was an "old prophet" (that's what the Bible calls him) that caught wind of this "man of God" so the "old prophet" tracked him down and invited him to come eat with him. Now I'm going to detour here a bit and give my thoughts (or questions) regarding this "old prophet". Again, read I Kings 13 and you'll get a better picture of why I'm saying these things. Seeing that the "man of God" was sent to Bethel to confront the King and the Bible says the "old prophet" lived in Bethel it makes me wonder WHY wasn't he instructed to confront the King? Was the prophet old in age or was it that he'd become complacent or was it both? Was he just so honestly intrigued with this "man of God" that he just wanted to be in his presence because of his BOLDNESS? Perhaps the "old prophet" wished he had the boldness to confront the King as the "man of God" had? Getting back to the story.... So, the "old prohet" tracks down the "man of God" and invites him back to his house to eat. Again, the "man of God" clearly states what God told him to do after confronting the King in Bethel...LEAVE! But you know what the "old prophet" did? He LIED! Yep, that's right he told the truth about being a prophet but he lied about an angel telling him to have the "man of God" return with him. Now you see why I have all these questions in my mind about the "old prophet"? So, anyway the "man of God" follows the "old prophet" back and guess what happens...God tells the "old prophet" to tell the "man of God" his fate for his disobedience (if you want to know what it was you need to go read I Kings 13...ha ha ha!). I'm telling you this is something!! Reading that I was thinking what a horrible feeling for that "old prophet" to know that he LIED and then God waits until after the "man of God" is at home eating with him before instructing the "old prophet" to actually tell the "man of God" his fate for disobedience. This just confirms that the person who leads another person astray doesn't go without punishment. In my eyes that had to be punishment for the "old prophet" having to live the rest of his days with the consequences of that "man of God" for his lie. Did that make the "old prophet" a bad person? I wouldn't say that...we don't know from scripture enough about his life. And did the "man of God's" fate seem harsh? Maybe it would appear that way but again we don't know enough about his life. Had he been given guidance by God time after time after time?? We're not God and we don't have the answers. But I do know that we are responsible for our own obedience or disobedience to God. Those who lead us astray will not escape but when we KNOW God has given us instruction we're accountable first-hand.
Sometimes we can feel like the other person who is telling us God gave them specific instruction on something for us would be telling us right because they've had more experience in spiritual matters, they have been saved longer than we have, they pastor a church...whatever the case may be. Perhaps that was the case with the "man of God" in I Kings 13 we were previously talking about. Perhaps he thought this "old prophet" has more experience than I do...maybe I heard God wrong. AGAIN...this is not to say that God NEVER EVER gives other people instruction for us or that WE ARE NEVER WRONG in what WE THINK God is telling us to do. The only way to know is to LEARN TO DISCERN God's voice and PRAYERFULLY consider every guidance AND PRAY for God's direction to you directly or through the source of another. Remember, it's difficult to KNOW what God is telling you if you're not living a God-filled, spirt-led life.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
You Don't Hear ME
I’ve shown you simultaneously mass changes
In the weather across your land
But you don’t hear ME
Like any other time
You’ve seen death in your land
But you’re seeing it in a way you’ve never seen before
Yet…you don’t hear ME
You’ve waited for your economy to recover
Not seeing what you’ve expected right?
Your land has suffered the Great Depression….
…that’s in the past you say—right?
Your land keeps looking for recovery
But you’re still not hearing ME
Now you’re looking at the wealth
You’ve set up for yourselves
Numbers steady falling—
Falling as fast as you’ve fallen into sin
Your arranged marriages have become a mockery
In my eyes
Your children are deteriorating
From the inside out
Your churches built on man-made traditions
Instead of MY sound Word
Have become dead-end traps
Traps leading to an end unintended
(MY true saints—keep your hearts pure)
Your land is crumpling
Right before your eyes
But you don’t see because—
You don’t hear ME
So when the time comes you can pray
You can cry out to ME
But I won’t hear you
Because all this must be
As was told from the beginning
I only hoped that somehow you’d change—
Your heart
But none of that matters now—
‘Cause you won’t hear ME
Copyright ©2011 by Charlotte R. Beard
In the weather across your land
But you don’t hear ME
Like any other time
You’ve seen death in your land
But you’re seeing it in a way you’ve never seen before
Yet…you don’t hear ME
You’ve waited for your economy to recover
Not seeing what you’ve expected right?
Your land has suffered the Great Depression….
…that’s in the past you say—right?
Your land keeps looking for recovery
But you’re still not hearing ME
Now you’re looking at the wealth
You’ve set up for yourselves
Numbers steady falling—
Falling as fast as you’ve fallen into sin
Your arranged marriages have become a mockery
In my eyes
Your children are deteriorating
From the inside out
Your churches built on man-made traditions
Instead of MY sound Word
Have become dead-end traps
Traps leading to an end unintended
(MY true saints—keep your hearts pure)
Your land is crumpling
Right before your eyes
But you don’t see because—
You don’t hear ME
So when the time comes you can pray
You can cry out to ME
But I won’t hear you
Because all this must be
As was told from the beginning
I only hoped that somehow you’d change—
Your heart
But none of that matters now—
‘Cause you won’t hear ME
Copyright ©2011 by Charlotte R. Beard
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Praying With A Purpose
Today I was looking at a number of e-mails I'd received from companies who had seen my resume and showed an interest in sitting down with me to discuss a job opportunity. One key thing you have to know here is that the job opportunity they all want to discuss is in my background but not what I had in mind of pursuing after my transitional period from a company merger. While I was deciding how to respond to these e-mails God began to enlighten me regarding some things about myself that I had not realized. Though I wanted and truly need to pursue this other path I've had in mind for quite some time, why was I considering totally closing the door on these possible opportunities before me? Part of it is fear of failure, a greater part of it is fear of this role consuming more of my life than I want to give it. While being honest with myself about how to respond to these opportunities God spoke to me something so simple: Say YES and PRAY. Now that might seem a little backwards to some of us because we're use to praying about a situation first and then re-acting. However, God told me to just say "yes" to these opportunities and pray while you wait for the outcome, whether it's the outcome from a sit down with these prospects or outcome from my response to these e-mails. So, basically I prayed, "God if not one of these jobs is for me...if you know I would be horrible at performing any of these jobs, then don't let any of them come through for me." My prayer is that the one job I'm suppoe to have will be the one to come through and save me the headache and stress of interviewing for anything God knows is not mine.
How often do we go through life with the attitude or mentality that we have to do a bunch of things aimlessly and just hope for the best? How often do people knowingly date a bunch of the wrong people just hoping they turn out to be the right person? I haven't done that a bunch of times but I can say I've done it more than once; waste of time and resources. When we know God is telling us "yes" in any area in our lives we can have confidence in moving forward in that area with the right prayer. And with the right prayer we never have to worry about moving beyond what is right for us in life. Afterall, if we are truly children of the God we say KNOWS ALL, shouldn't there come a point when we stop throwing darts JUST HOPING to land in the right spot?
How often do we go through life with the attitude or mentality that we have to do a bunch of things aimlessly and just hope for the best? How often do people knowingly date a bunch of the wrong people just hoping they turn out to be the right person? I haven't done that a bunch of times but I can say I've done it more than once; waste of time and resources. When we know God is telling us "yes" in any area in our lives we can have confidence in moving forward in that area with the right prayer. And with the right prayer we never have to worry about moving beyond what is right for us in life. Afterall, if we are truly children of the God we say KNOWS ALL, shouldn't there come a point when we stop throwing darts JUST HOPING to land in the right spot?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
For An Audience Of One
Almost a year ago I got rather frustrated with my purpose in life. It wasn't that I was unaware of who I was made to be as an individual but it was that I was at a place in life where I didn't know how to best utilize what I was made to be. One day I decided to ask God to show me exactly what I was suppose to be doing with my life (often we fail to consult our Creator). And when I asked this question I was not seeking the "general" answer most church-goers have already heard (your purpose is to live your life to serve God, etc.). NO...I was looking for specifics. I was aware of one involvment I'd discontinued maybe 3 to 4 years earlier that I knew I needed to return to. I'd walked away from it for personal reasons and at this time that I started seeking last year, I felt it was time for me to return to that...so I did. Also, around that same time I decided to inquire about serving in a capacity through my church that would not just confine me to serving while at church but it required me devoting time and making a 2 year commitment to this particular service. Because of the timing of my inquiry I had to wait a year (this is the year) to become involved. So, this Saturday I have the priviledge of finding out more about this service before I commit to it. Of course, I already know that I'm going to commit. You see, this service involves so many of my natural qualities. People naturally come to me with problems; sometimes they want advice, sometimes they just want a listener. The frustrating part is when you want to reach out to people who don't want what you have to offer them (which is why this service will be so rewarding-I'm going where people want it). I was thinking about this frustration earlier before sitting down to write this and I thought, 'How frustrated God must be to have the gift of peace, freedom from life's strongholds, wisdom...so many gifts yet many reject them'. It's frustrating to have something valuable to offer others but to find they don't want it. Truth is while I'm sure it breaks God's heart to see us wonder endlessly, I doubt it's frustration. We become frustrated because we aren't seeking out those who need and desire what is in us to give. I've made a commitment in 2011 that if whatever God will have me do is only for the audience of one, then for that audience of one so be it. For every life we touch, that same life touches at least one other person.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
When The Love Is Less Than Desirable
How often have we found ourselves on the receiving end of love that seemed just a little bit less than love? Probably more often than we care to remember. We've given what has seemed like our entire heart to another while it seems that they have offered nothing more than what was convenient for them, being sure not to give too much (or nothing at all) of themselves. We've given our time or been there more times than we care to remember when a friend was in need, yet when we needed them most it seems they thought we could make it on our own. Unfortunately, though not everyone in life fails us often we may come across those who claim to love us but the actions speak something quite differently. A few years ago God helped me to begin to understand that many times people say they love someone and earnestly mean what they say with all their heart but they can only love at the level at which they've grown. Did you get that? People can love only at the level of their capability within. Think about it this way.... Can you recall a time in your childhood when you really thought you loved someone with all your heart? And maybe even today you look back and believe that you did love that person but do you also see that there was a lot you've learned that impacts your view of love for another? Hopefully your view of love has matured. And though on a broader scale you would expect that the view of love matures with age, there are still other factors in a person's life that affects their ability to truly love the way we would expect. I Corinthians 13 gives the perfect definition of love; it encompasses a lot. I also think this passage serves as a great mirror for ourselves, which brings me to the relationship that I (and I'm sure many of you reading this) need to spend more time perfecting. I'm speaking of our relationship with God. How often do we spend so much time talking to everyone else yet we SQUEEZE in a few minutes to pray (little time simply talking to God)? How often do we spend so much time considering what others think of us yet we hardly give 1st thought to whether or not our actions or what we say offend God - the one we CLAIM to love so much? How often do we quickly go spend money on ourselves but have to think about handing some money to that person we know needs it because we're so critical or self-righteous concerning what they're going to do with it? Never mind there is this RESOUNDING annoyance in our spirit to do something. (Oops is that God's voice?) Yet...we say we love Him, with all our hearts.
The point I'm making here is that though we should never become susceptible to mistreatment or commit to less than God's best he has for us, our own individual relationships with our Creator should be great lessons in understanding and being patient with those who occassionally dissappoint us. Because we are human, sometimes we mess up in our love walk and God understands and allows us room to grow. Notice I said he allows us room to GROW. God never expects less than what he knows we are capable of. In the same manner, we should allow those we know truly love us room for growth, while expecting their best just as we require the same of ourselves.
The point I'm making here is that though we should never become susceptible to mistreatment or commit to less than God's best he has for us, our own individual relationships with our Creator should be great lessons in understanding and being patient with those who occassionally dissappoint us. Because we are human, sometimes we mess up in our love walk and God understands and allows us room to grow. Notice I said he allows us room to GROW. God never expects less than what he knows we are capable of. In the same manner, we should allow those we know truly love us room for growth, while expecting their best just as we require the same of ourselves.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
When The Middle Doesn't Match The Ending
At this stage in my life I can relate to Abraham more than ever when he was waiting on his son of promise. Many times God will show us something so awesome, so unfanthomable...but yet...there is all this junk in the middle that He never tells us about. Some days I just want to stop hoping...stop believing - but I can't shake what I've seen. Every time I tell myself to just accept things how they are, I keep having what God has shown me pull me a little further. So, I keep praying. Some days I ask God, "Do you ever get tired of me talking about this SAME situation to you?" In my heart I know He never gets tired...I just wish that I could show Him I was stronger by not always bringing it to Him. Perhaps if I didn't I'd lose my mind. That's the thing about having a relationship with God, you never have to deal with the shortcomings of humanity. People can only endure so much of you discussing your problems.
So, when God has shown you THE END FROM THE BEGINNING, just remember what He's told you while you endure all of the junk in the middle. God cannot lie & His words never return void. Trust me...even as I write this my mind tells me I was mistaken about what I believe He's told me. But this is where faith comes into play. So while the middle doesn't match the ending, I choose to use faith to keep me looking for God's ending.
So, when God has shown you THE END FROM THE BEGINNING, just remember what He's told you while you endure all of the junk in the middle. God cannot lie & His words never return void. Trust me...even as I write this my mind tells me I was mistaken about what I believe He's told me. But this is where faith comes into play. So while the middle doesn't match the ending, I choose to use faith to keep me looking for God's ending.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Chocoholic
Hooked on the by-product
Of that tree
Even it must thrive
In the climate of warmth—
The climate to which
My cacao-like being
Tends to gravitate
As if to say—
“We are meant for each other”
Indulging in secrecy….
Telling myself no one will know
The depth of my addiction
Yet consuming without mental thought
My flesh gives way
Outwardly exposing
My self-inflicted iniquity
Spilling over into other areas—
Of my life
Unable to do without
Depressed by the silhouette
Peering back at me
From the other side of the looking glass
Yet—not depressed enough
To let go cacao’s indulgences
Slowly I learn to loosen
The grip of cacao’s enticement
No longer a slave to its allure
My countenance and image slowly resembling
The person I remember
Staring back at me
Now I choose to welcome cacao
In its purest form when possible
Knowing that its by-products
Only heightened the allure
Making me susceptible
To darkness I dare never
Encounter again
Copyright © 2009 by Charlotte R Beard
Of that tree
Even it must thrive
In the climate of warmth—
The climate to which
My cacao-like being
Tends to gravitate
As if to say—
“We are meant for each other”
Indulging in secrecy….
Telling myself no one will know
The depth of my addiction
Yet consuming without mental thought
My flesh gives way
Outwardly exposing
My self-inflicted iniquity
Spilling over into other areas—
Of my life
Unable to do without
Depressed by the silhouette
Peering back at me
From the other side of the looking glass
Yet—not depressed enough
To let go cacao’s indulgences
Slowly I learn to loosen
The grip of cacao’s enticement
No longer a slave to its allure
My countenance and image slowly resembling
The person I remember
Staring back at me
Now I choose to welcome cacao
In its purest form when possible
Knowing that its by-products
Only heightened the allure
Making me susceptible
To darkness I dare never
Encounter again
Copyright © 2009 by Charlotte R Beard
My 10 Year Journey To 100+ lbs Lost
Growing up in a family of 7 kids, I was part of a family that enjoyed eating. It wasn’t just my immediate family that enjoyed eating, but my family as a whole thoroughly enjoyed food, especially during the various holidays. And when I got old enough to learn how to cook, it was a joy to me for my mom to allow me in the kitchen to experiment with new and unique recipes. I loved “different”, things that had never been prepared in our home (and still do to this day). But my particular interest was baking. I love baking; and sweets are my weakness to this very day. It’s not things like bread, fried chicken, potatoes…things of that sort that I have to stay away from or can’t have anywhere in the house because I’ll eat it, it’s the sweets (candy, cookies, cake) that I can’t keep in the house. Now keep in mind, because of my new lifestyle I don’t keep regular foods that are unhealthy for me in the house but I want to point out where my main source or GREATEST source of unhealthy eating has lied. And you need to be asking yourself this same question, “what is my greatest source of unhealthy eating?” You’ll want to keep that in mind as I begin to get into what I personally had to do to change my eating habits.
So, anyway here I was this person who loved her sugar. If the truth be known, I was hooked on sugar. I could literally eat up a whole box of Girl Scout Thin Mints or Samoas cookies, or other cookies, in an hour or less. The more chocolate involved the better for me. While living at home I’d joined Jenny Craig, lost weight and gained it back. Due to the financial costs I switched to Weight Watchers but quickly ended that program maybe after only 1 or 2 weeks. While others had been successful on such programs, I couldn’t stand the rules, the writing, the logging…. It was just too mentally draining for me. There was a period in my life that that I was so ashamed of the times when I would try to lose weight by just cutting back on the food and the sweets that I was eating, and I would crave the sweets so bad that I would hit the vending machine at work for whatever sweet thing I wanted at that time. That shame would cause me to find a stairwell and eat those sweets there, all the time hoping and praying that no one would use the stairs while I was enjoying my sweets. I couldn’t dare take it back to my desk because if I did my co-workers would see what a big failure I was. So, I was lying to myself by thinking that if no one saw me hoarding my sweets I could convince others that I was sticking with my plan. What I didn’t realize is that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, it was all about what I thought of myself and what truth I refused to face about WHY I couldn’t lose weight and keep it off. This takes me to the stage in my life when I moved from home at the age of 30…. This time to myself…this time of what I thought was going to be “unhindered self-control” would be the beginning of me finally getting the excess weight off and being happy with myself; a period which really became the beginning of my 10 year journey to where I am today. Keep in mind I never, EVER thought it was going to take 10 years for me to get it right! And hopefully what I say here today will keep you from walking around in the wilderness for 10 years (or more) like I did.
So, after I moved from home I did start “attempting” to be a little more consistent with my exercise but exercising when I got home from work was always a challenge for me. But anyway, I went back and forth between exercising in the mornings and exercising in the evenings 4 or 5 times a week. For as my eating, during this time I had been having horrible sinus problems where my nose just seemed to run like a faucet ALL THE TIME! My doctor had suggested I drink more water. I had little doubt this would help my sinus problems but because I was so frustrated with the nose blowing I decided to try it. Now you’re probably thinking, “What In the world does this have to do with weight-loss or developing healthy eating habits.” Just stick with me and you’ll begin to get the total picture and more fully understand my journey. So, okay…here I was doing my daily exercise, which mainly consisted of me marching or jogging in place while listening to music or watching TV in my apartment. For as me upping my water in-take, this was going to require me breaking my Pepsi and Coke drinking habits. I would have at least 2 -12 oz. Pepsis a day, operative word here being “least”. We know soda is loaded with sugar! So in order to break away from my desire for Pepsi or any other soda, I went to drinking lemonade when I felt I wanted soda. It still had to have a certain level of sweetness for me but I was slowly changing my taste buds from needing that acid and sugar taste I felt I needed from soda. It was probably about a year or a little less before I didn’t need lemonade at all and I was content with just water. To this very day 90% of the time my choice of beverage of is water, NOT BECAUSE I’m concerned about my sinuses but because I just truly love and desire water and have learned to drink it because of its many benefits to me. Keep in mind that during that time I learned to love water I was still eating my sweets. HA HA HA! BUT…coupled with my attempt to be more consistent with some form of exercise for awhile I tried just eating reserving my weekends to eat sweets instead of eating it throughout the week. That worked for a while but I quickly noticed that I was beginning to eat just as many sweets on the weekend as I would if I’d just been eating it though out the week. Though I felt like I was fighting a losing battle with myself, to my surprise I did find that the diminishing of the soda, consistent exercise, and my attempts to reserve the weekend as my period of “sweet-treats” became catalysts for my clothing sizes to drop somewhat. I noticed I had dropped from 22 & 24 women’s plus size clothing to 18 & 20 women’s plus size clothing! And I was feeling pretty good about that until one day I had an eye infection, which of course had me going to the doctor. So, I got to the doctor and as is standard practice, they did blood pressure check & weigh-in. I can’t tell you when was the last time I’d been to the doctor for anything before this point (I probably was still living at home –time of my last asthma attack. We’ll talk about the asthma later). So, when the practitioner did my weight I was in so much shock! “265 lbs,” she said. “You don’t look like 265…” That makes 2 of us lady because I didn’t realize how much I weighed either! So, I was standing there thinking…I was wearing a size 18 in plus size women’s or 20 plus size women’s jeans at the time and I knew the size I used to wear, so I could only assume that at some point I had to have weighed pretty close to 300 lbs! That was it! I didn’t own a scale so I went out and bought one.
At this point it probably had been between one and two years that I’d been living on my own with my new quest for change and realizing I needed a scale and I became almost obsessed with losing the weight. In addition to me buying a scale, I started buying different fitness gadgets and videos to move up from just walking or running in place in my apartment while listening to music or watching TV. It wasn’t before long that I added Metabolife, a weight-loss pill, to my regimen. By the time my weight-loss stopped moving with Metabolife I had found out about another pill called Zymax. I was taking it and saw great success. The progress wasn’t as fast as I wanted but I saw results. And of course, that too stopped working and for a very, very short time I started taking Dexatrim, another weight-loss pill. In my spirit I really felt God urging me to stop taking all of these various pills. I had absolutely no idea what the long-term effects might be (if any) and I didn’t want to find out. Even though I was incorporating more vegetables into my daily eating and changing the type of meats I ate (no beef or processed meats, just baked chicken, turkey (ground or baked), and fish), I knew something was still missing. At some point I bought myself a juicer and started buying up fresh fruits & vegetables. I started juicing. One of my sisters felt alarmed because she would only see what she called twigs & figs in my refrigerator, despite the fact that I was truly eating but just eating a lot healthier. After some time, I had gone from the 265 lbs I found out about in the doctor’s office to between 210 and 215 lbs. Keep in mind that during this period of weight loss I was not learning any real principles. I was not learning how to “truly” eat healthy as a way of life. I was not learning to be active through exercise as a way of life. I was not learning “how to change”. But what I was learning is that I was doing a bunch of things that would cause me to lose weight and then become stagnant with my exercise and eating patterns because my only goal was to reach a certain weight. I was not considering what realistically I’d have to do to keep the weight off. My mind was not on any of that. My mind was on reaching a certain weight only. And in my mind once I got there I could lay off some of the exercise. And you know what? With those thoughts I began a roller-coaster of inconsistency with my exercise because I felt like it was unrealistic to have to do exercise for the rest of my life. I was not considering that I do not have a job where I’m active all day so it was really unrealistic for me to think I could even eat normally everyday and not do any activity to use what I’d eaten. Also, in my mind I couldn’t see how I would survive continuing to diet until I reached my goal weight when I had so far to go for my 5’ 1 medium sized frame. And how do I allow myself to eat sweets at a party or other foods I shouldn’t indulge in at a minimal as people would suggest without sending my sugar urges on a rampage? And you know what? With those thoughts, my healthy eating habits became inconsistent, so the scales began to creep back up on me. No, they never reached the 265 lbs I’d seen in the doctor’s office or some number I never knew before I owned a scale, but I was on a yo-yo with the scales, with my exercise, and with my eating.
Then there came the period when I wasn’t losing and I wasn’t gaining weight. I was just maintaining my weight. And every year I’d vow to get to a certain weight by the end of the year. It never happened and I was so frustrated! I couldn’t figure out why the scale wasn’t moving. Yes, I was still eating my sweets but I didn’t feel I was eating that much. So I began to write prayers and notes to God regarding helping me with my eating habits and help me not crave sweets and help me crave fruit instead. I would stick these little notes and prayers in my Bible right in between the pages for Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. One year would pass, another year pass…and another…and another. During that time I would gain maybe 10 or 20 lbs and eventually get it off again. And at the beginning of every year I’d vow that by the end of the year I was going to reach the goal weight I had in mind…and every year I’d fail. But I noticed something very different was happening within me at the end of 2007. Have you ever felt like you had a great expectation of something, but at the same time another part of you is in complete objection to anything happening any different than had already been happening? Like a war of negativity and positivity going on within you at the exact same time? That’s what I had going on within in me on December 23, 2007 on a Sunday morning. It was like I could so clearly hear God speaking to me telling me some things He was going to do for me concerning my health, my eating habits…some things I’ve dealt with for years – one of those things being asthma. Now I’m going to share this but this is not for everybody. I’m not a doctor and absolutely offer no advisement for anyone. I’m just sharing with you today what God gave me. Perhaps by me sharing these things with you it will be confirmation to you regarding some things specific to yourself. For some time I felt God had been telling me that when I lose all the weight that He wants me to lose I would no longer deal with asthma. I can truthfully say that as I’ve lost weight I’ve had to use the inhaler less. What was once me using the inhaler once or twice a day is now maybe twice a week at the most. Sometimes it’s a little bit more. But in my spirit, in my being, I believe that God has been telling me that the times I’m having to use my medication is because that as years of fat stores break down in my body to be released from my body, with that storage are old toxins that are released into my blood stream contributing to those episodes of needing the inhaler. Once those years of fatty storage are dissipated I will no longer be bothered with the asthma, is what I believe God has revealed to me. So, again I stress here that I am making no medical claim as to what goes on in the body of an asthmatic. I’ve never, EVER read this anywhere…never heard anyone say anything remotely close to what I’m telling you right now. I’m only revealing to you what I believe God has revealed to me “about me”. I believe and know God to be “the great physician” in my life. After all, He made my body. And I believe that just as He reveals things to me about me He can and will reveal things to you “about you”, when you allow Him into “all of those area” of your life. Ok so we’ve zoned in on one of the things that I believe God is going to do for me and has been doing for me through weight loss, or shall we say – fat storage loss, which in essence adds up to weight…. But let’s get back to this date, December 23, 2007 which was a Sunday morning. I can recall this date and day particularly because I believe God spoke to me and told me to write these list of things, which I did and have it in my Bible still today (along with other notes & prayers – ha ha ha!). And I’m glad that I did because after 3 years had passed I would not have remembered that the rest of this journey I’m about to tell you about was attributed to some of the very things God told me that “HE” was going to do, not CHARLOTTE..no, not CHARLOTTE finally LUCKING up on a way to lose weight and keep it off – BUT HIM. I’d tried everything my way…Weight Watchers…Jenny Craig…Metabolife pills…Zymax pills…Dexitrim pills…juicing…dieting…cutting back…so many different tactics. So, after having no accountability for as my eating habits between April 2000 and December 2007, I’d lost 39 lbs that I was aware of after obtaining a scale. And I’d dropped in dress size from 22/24 plus size women’s to 16/18 plus size women’s.
So, here we are the start of a new - 2008 and I still have my same plan to reach a certain weight by the end of the year. But then I encountered Wednesday, February 20, 2008. A group of ladies where I work had organized a Biggest Loser Contest, so to my own surprise I decided to use this contest as a vehicle of accountability. I thought if I did this maybe I’d make some headway once and for all with my weight. I paid my $10 towards the bucket of winnings and joined the contest. That day when I left home I weighed 226 lbs. and I was determined to never ever see that number again at the start of another year. But more importantly I wanted to win this contest so I started praying, of course not leaving behind my ideas about how fast I wanted to lose weight. I told God I wanted to lose at least 2 lbs a week. The contest was going to be over May 14th and I wanted to be on the other side of 200 lbs. I was tired of seeing that “2” at the start of my weight. But you know what? During this period that I was doing this contest, God didn’t do any of what I asked. But what He did do is begin to calm my spirit and talk to me about taking one day at a time. He talked to me about not looking at where I wanted to be by May 14, 2008 or even December 31, 2008 but about what I wanted to see within myself from week to week. And it was then that I was able to say, “God I want to see daily changes in myself…weekly changes in myself.” I wanted to see new habits. But in my mind I felt I could not do this. God showed me that I could change. He reminded me of the main fruit…the one of the main characteristics of those who claim to have the Spirit of God tend to neglect – TEMPERANCE. It’s the last one named in the list in Galatians 5:22-23. He spoke to me just as plainly as I’m talking to you right now, He told me that I have every fruit – every characteristic listed there but some of those characteristics need a little more cultivating in me than some of the others, and one of those was temperance… moderation. He said if I would just get that under control by just reminding myself of that scripture every time I felt weak or overcome, I could win in the area of changing of my eating habits – and THAT, He said, would result in my weight loss and the ability to maintain healthy weight. But I had to truly know who I was. Too many times we who claim to be Christians put God in a box where we feel so victorious in certain areas in our lives and can almost make the next person feel like…wow I need to really grow to your level huh? But yet in other areas of our lives we look and feel, if we’re being real honest with ourselves, like complete failures. And that is not the way God intended for us to be. Jesus said in John 10:10 in the Amplified version, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).” How could I enjoy life when I didn’t even like the size that I was at that time? My size had nothing to do with my genes or some hereditary makeup, it had everything to do with me allowing my body and my eating habits to become like a runaway train. And God told me I had to stop that. So, during this time God began to teach me and tell me exactly what to do. Why did it take over 7 years you might ask? I asked myself the same question AND GOD. Perhaps I wasn’t ready. Until we are ready for certain things there isn’t a thing anyone or anybody can tell us to make a difference. And God, unlike ourselves or anybody else, knows when we’re ready.
So as the weeks went on with this Biggest Loser Contest I was following a pattern of eating about 5 times a day; something I had started doing a few years prior but paying closer attention to my portions. Also, instead of having any sweets I would have a 6 oz. cup of yogurt after my lunch and another 6 oz. cup after my dinner. I continued to be consistent with my exercise of 5 days a week every morning to start my day. I was also particularly focusing on the idea of if the food was not grown (no by-products) or didn’t consist of fish, chicken, or turkey, then I shouldn’t eat it. This is what God gave me to do. There was a period of maybe 3 weeks or a month after I’d begun the contest that I kept feeling this nudge, like God was telling me to eat a piece of chocolate. And this felt so strange and odd to me. So, I chalked it off to just being my mind. But now I have to tell you this was no craving that I was having…I felt strong and determined to not eat any sweets while I was doing this contest because I was afraid if I did I’d wake up my taste buds to the sugar and not be able to stop. But this “nudge” I was feeling was so strong that I gave into it. I remember it was a miniature piece of Hershey’s chocolate. I ate it. And being the “chocoholic” that I call myself, I have to tell you all it was SOOOO GOOD! But after I ate it, it was as if I heard God say, ok that’s it. Don’t eat anymore. And it was odd to me because you know what, I didn’t! ha ha ha! And that was the beginning of what I have come to know as me following the principle of what I call “spirit-led” eating. I felt so proud of myself because I had never in the past been able to do that…it’s always been that I had to follow with another and then another. Never just one! But I also want to quickly tell you that this does not mean that I keep sweets in my house. God has told me not to, so I don’t. I am well aware that I have an addiction to sweets so I don’t leave room for myself to fall into a temptation that I can’t escape. For awhile I use to compare myself to others who have conquered things and thought something was wrong with me until I found peace in realizing that everyone has what I call “their thorn in the flesh”. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, when you have time go and read II Corinthians 12:7-10. Paul had prayed three times for God to take away this difficulty He was having which he referred to as his thorn in the flesh. But the Lord assured Paul that His strength, God’s strength, is made perfect, made of most use in the presence of weakness. Also, keep in mind the scripture that lets us know that we are not subject to any UNCOMMON TEMPTATIONS and when those temptations come He will make a way of escape. My way of escape is to do what I know to do. Salvation and the Holy Spirit is not for the sole purpose of overcoming people on the job, dealing with loved ones, being able to pay our bills…it’s for EVERY facet of life. Too many times we try to compare ourselves to others or find reasons why some things are as they are for us instead of leaving it to God and letting Him work in us the way He desires to. Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s. God made you and He knows why a burden for you is nothing to someone else. Or what might be such a great burden to someone else is absolutely nothing to you. Let God be God in every area of our lives.
So day by day I’d check the scale to see my progress. I want to point out here that I do not recommend weighing everyday for everyone. Some people can’t handle seeing some weight gain or seeing the scale not move at all. For me, weighing everyday is an instant gauge for what I’m eating or not eating or the impact certain exercise is having on me. It’s my journal. Some people love to write down their exercise and foods they’ve eaten. Weighing works best for me. If I have to document the foods I eat I will quickly get frustrated. But if I see the scale suddenly go up 5 lbs the next day, for me I instantly know it’s that thick bread I had on that Subway sandwich. During this period, God taught me how to study my body and pay attention so much to the simple things in my eating and exercise habits that I instantly know why I see a sudden increase. And I can instantly make a change to rectify that increase (which is normally water for me) rather than allowing my body to become a runaway train because I haven’t been paying attention to myself. And it’s important for me to say right here…never let anyone tell you, “oh…it doesn’t take all that. Oh you’re becoming obsessed. That’s going a little overboard. Oh…you’re really going to start living like that?” YES – it does take all that. YES – if living the way God requires of me means I’m obsessed, then YES I am. YES – I’m going to start living just like this. We wouldn’t dare tell another Christian that it doesn’t take all that if they stated I’m going to stay sexually pure until I’m married – unless we had were living by the world’s view. We wouldn’t dare tell another Christian they’re going overboard if they said they read their Bible everyday for spiritual growth…or would we? The Bible tells us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is our reasonable service…meaning that’s the LEAST we could over Him. It doesn’t say present your spirits or your minds a living sacrifice. It says “our bodies”. And if your spirit isn’t in tune with God, as I’m trying to point out today, it’s a little difficult for your body to be in tune with Him. You can’t focus on someone else who has needs if you’re so uncomfortable with how you look. Some of us are not going to join that group to serve that we may want to join because we feel so uncomfortable around people due to our bodies. So, how can God use us they way He wants to if our bodies aren’t yielded to Him? Let’s move on in my journey regarding the Biggest Loser Contest.
So, remember that 2 lbs. I wanted to lose every week? Well, that wasn’t happening but I was losing about 1 lb on average every week. There would be weeks I did not lose anything then all of a sudden 3 weeks would pass and I’d step on the scale and see 3 or 4 lbs lost all at once. Remember God made our bodies and we can’t confine ourselves to diets or plans that promise you should be “seeing your results” every week. Just stick with God’s direction and you’ll be okay. What was even more important for me to see during this time is that I was learning positive habits. Removing the focus from numbers on the scale and placing the focus on why I ate certain foods and why God didn’t want me to eat certain foods was building discipline in me; ammunition for long-term weight loss and healthy habits. During this time God had me paying attention to the ingredients in the things I’d buy instead of arbitrarily just pulling it off the shelf and placing it in the shopping cart. I believe that the words in Hosea 4:6 are so true for us today; we are destroyed due to a lack of knowledge. Our health fails because we just eat without considering what we’re placing in us. Even too much of what is good is bad for us, so we still need to always be on guard for exercising every aspect of God’s Spirit within us; that fruit of temperance, otherwise known as moderation. Now does that mean I don’t go out to eat because I don’t know what’s in the food…I don’t know all the ingredients that they use? NO, it does not mean that but I do purpose to have control as much as possible over what I consume on a regular basis. God has taught me that limiting processed foods and other things as much as possible impacts my overall health and weight. Again, today I’m sharing with you my journey. And you have to resolve within yourself what the right journey is for you. Also, I want to point out that just as with any other area of my Christian walk, sometimes I mess up and I don’t eat as God might be instructing me for that day. Do I do it on purpose? No, just like I don’t purposely plan to say that mean thing to that person who made me so upset. But I correct my wrong and purpose to do the right thing going forward. Yes, at times I deviate from how God wants me to eat but I don’t allow those times to become runaway trains sending me back into bondage to food, in particularly sweets. And I believe that there are times when God permits me to eat things I wouldn’t normally eat on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s for my balance? I don’t know. I’ve stopped trying to figure God out in His instructions for as my eating habits just as I try to not to spend time figuring Him out in other areas of my life.
So we come to May 14, 2008, the last day of the Biggest Loser Contest at work. All the contestants gathered on the 21st floor to do our final weigh-in. Guess what y’all?! Nope! I didn’t win! HA HA HA! No, I didn’t…and I was disappointed, especially because the person who did win, in the eyes of us who had serious weight to lose, this girl didn’t have any weight problems. But I understand more now than I did then, that excess weight is relative to the person who is actually carrying the weight. But admittedly, at that time I was just a little upset that girl won. The contest was based on the percentage of body weight lost and not the actual number of pounds lost. Looking back now I realize that at that time I should have been celebrating my own personal winning, my winnings at learning how to change my lifestyle and actually be consistent. But instead, I expressed even more disappointment in myself by not recording the weight I had lost during that contest. Can you believe that? See you have to realize that I am one of those people who records milestones like this on my calendar. I still have my 2008 calendar from that year, and trust me…I checked and I did not write my weight on the calendar! But I can tell you that I believe my weight loss during that time was about 15 or 20 lbs. Even more importantly, I can definitely tell you that I did not let my disappointment in that contest keep me from seeing the bigger picture. I continued with my new lifestyle. My 2008 calendar shows that on Saturday, June 7th I started herbal supplements to detox and then on Friday, June 27th I noted that the scales showed me at 202.7 lbs. On the following Monday, June 30th I recorded my weight at 201.2 lbs! On July 5th the scales showed me at 200.4 and then a week later I hit a glorious milestone! On July 11, 2008 I weighed 199.5 lbs! Finally, the 1st digit in my weight was a 1 instead of a 2! HA HA HA! So, from the time I started my new lifestyle in February 2008 to July 2008 I’d lost 26.5 lbs. Twenty-six and ½ lbs in 5 months! That might seem too slow for some people but I have found the slow way to be so much better long-term.
But besides all the pounds lost, I want to take a few minutes to go back to my mention of the detoxing. Remember earlier I mentioned God’s emphasis on me learning my body and how it works? Well, you will eventually find when you get serious about your overall health that you will do what you need to do to educate yourself and have optimal health. Because of health issues I’ve gone beyond the scope of just eating better and exercising. Between 2007 and 2008 I’d discovered that I was constantly having problems with in-grown eyelashes and eyes that would suddenly get irritated and red, more red than usual as if there was an infection. I’d seen a number of doctors who had run tests and could not find the source of the problem. The last doctor I saw was a specialist who basically told me that we’d need to do a biopsy on your eye to get to the root of the problem and we can only do that when your eyes turn red again. Of course, I did not like what this doctor told me. So in addition to prayer, I started to seek God for what else I could do. One of those answers came in the way of a detox plan one of my brothers told me about, which I’ll point out I didn’t start right away. I had already been doing my own herbal detoxification and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to devote to the extreme 10 day plan he’d made me aware of through a book he gave me called the Master Cleanse. Basically it involved eating no food while drinking a mixture of fresh lemon juice, mixed with water, cayenne pepper, and pure maple syrup during those days. There was also a requirement of drinking a laxative tea and salt water at the start and end of each day to aid in the cleansing process. So, though I was reluctant to go through this process because I didn’t think I could do it, I took the challenge and started the Cleanse on July 23, 2008. At the end of the Cleanse not only did I see improvement in my eyes and the infections ceased, but I felt better in my overall health and I dropped another 11 lbs. So, now 26.5 lbs. after the start of adopting a new lifestyle, turned into 37.5 lbs lost. And of course, this loss just enforced my drive even more to continue my new positive habits. I did not dare compare a loss of 11 lbs. in 10 days to the weight that God was allowing me to lose naturally through just eating healthy, exercising, and simply following His instructions to me day by day. As I normally do, I continued to weigh myself daily and so no movement. But then about 3 weeks after the Cleanse, after the big 11 lbs. lost, I stepped on the scale and saw 187.8 lbs. That was on August 23, 2008. It was only a .7 lb loss but it didn’t matter. I’d spent prior years going year in and year out with no scale movement; not unless I was gaining. On September 14, 2008 I stepped on the scale and saw 185.6 lbs., another 2.2 lbs. lost after another 3 weeks. It seemed God was moving me in 3 week segments…HA HA HA! Now keep in mind what I said earlier, you can’t get hung up on seeing results every week when you’re doing things the way God has for you to do it. You will go weeks seeing nothing and then BOOM! SOMETHING! Here I was still another 3 weeks later…actually a day shy of three weeks, October 4th I stepped on the scale again to see 184.4 lbs. This time was a 1.2 lbs. lost. Then something very out of the ordinary happened between October 18th and 19th. On the 18th I weighed 183.5 lbs and exactly a day later I weighed 180.9 lbs., that was a 2.6 lbs. difference in one day. Why our bodies do the things that they do? I don’t know. I could have been that I was still holding water in my body and my body was doing its job to release that water retention, which is another reason that for some people it may not be good to weigh everyday if you’re the type to get too hung up on what the scale is doing. And I do want to note here that there were times that I’d gain a lb here or there and then I’d lose it. It’s important to learn your body and not mistake the changes your body may be going through for being true weight gain. But getting back to my numbers, October 19, 2008 marked a day of significance for me because it was the last day for the rest of the year that I would lose any weight. I had lost 45.1 lbs in the 2008. At the end of 2008 I could say I went from 226 lbs to 180.9 lbs. And yes, I count every oz. lost! HA HA HA!
January 1, 2009 did present me with a little gift of shedding that odd .9 oz., for which I was grateful. After all, ounces add up to pounds! But truthfully speaking I was feeling like I needed another boost in moving some weight off my body and toxins out of my body that might have found their home over the holidays, so I did the 10 day Master Cleanse again on January 17, 2009. At the end I’d lost 6 lbs; I was down to 174 lbs. After this I was coming up on my birthday, February 5th and there is something I want to note here…. I am so glad I documented some of these things as much as I did but I also feel like now that I wish I’d kept a journal of my e-motions. But hopefully you all are getting some inspiration from these things that I am telling you. Okay…I wanted to point out that my calendar shows that for 3 weeks after my birthday I had written on there…NO MORE ICE CREAM OR CAKE FROM THE FREEZER (TEMPERANCE). Remember I said earlier that I don’t keep sweets in the house because I’m easily tempted. Well, I don’t know what my struggles were for those 3 weeks but having that visual on my calendar must have helped to a degree because February 26, 2009 shows that I dropped down to 172.8 lbs., 1.2 lbs lost. This was 3 weeks after my birthday. You know I never realized until taking time to reflect back on my weight-loss the role these 3 week periods were playing in my weight loss. Amazing! Exactly a week later I lost 1 oz. A little over 2 weeks later I lost another 3 oz. Almost 4 weeks later, April 17th, I moved up to losing 1.1 lbs. So, I was now at 171.3 lbs. The 1st week of May I was seeing small increments of weight loss every other day. May 4th – I showed a drop from 171.3 lbs to 169.1 lbs. Two days later I showed 167.9 lbs. Another 2 days later I’d dropped to just 167 lbs. The last day I saw weight loss in 2009 was July 29th; I’d dropped to 161.4 lbs.
Then 2010 rolled around and I decide to do a beginning of the year cleanse. With that cleanse came a 5.8 lbs lost. Unfortunately, I must admit I gained that weight back in February during my birthday, I celebrated more than one day and of course some good eating was involved. But I did not allow that gain to become a runaway train for me as I had in the past. I quickly zoned in on what I needed to do, eating salads, veggies, fruit, turkey, fish…all those things that would shake my cravings for things that was not a part of my daily lifestyle. I didn’t get back to the weight loss I’d obtained after my January cleanse but eventually I did get back to the pre-weight – 161 lbs. It took me some weeks to get there but God and my devotion to consistency was the key. Since that time my focus has continued to be on eating healthy and making my workouts more challenging to produce the change that I seek in my body. For me it’s been more than just about weight-loss, I want overall optimum health. I want to point out that due to my type of workouts I have seen some weight gain due to what has been fat storage turning into muscle. And I’m at the point now where I’m able to discern what my weight gain is when I see it instead of me going into a depression. I pay attention to my clothes which fit better, which is another testament to the changes that my body is still going through, though I’m not seeing what I want on the scales. And I want to point out to all of you that you should take heed as well while you’re on your journey. Do not fall into the trap of just playing the numbers game with the scale. If it helps you, put things on the calendar so that you can visually see what’s going on with your body. Buy some piece of clothing that is at least 2 sizes smaller than what you are and hang it somewhere in your bedroom where you can keep it in view. Attempt to try it on every 3 weeks or so to see how you’re progressing in “inches” loss rather than just depending on what the scale has to say. Experiment with eating vegetables you have never eaten before in your life. Even though you may not be a vegetarian and don’t desire to be, find some vegetarian recipes to try. Mix up your eating routine. All of these things I’ve tried on my journey to keep me from becoming stagnant in my weight-loss or becoming bored. But more than anything, SEEK GOD FOR YOUR JOURNEY TO HEALTHIER LIVING and you won’t need anybody’s list of ideas. This is what I did and am yet doing, and you can do it too! If you have a real relationship with God, vow to a daily diet of what I call “spirit-led” eating.
So, anyway here I was this person who loved her sugar. If the truth be known, I was hooked on sugar. I could literally eat up a whole box of Girl Scout Thin Mints or Samoas cookies, or other cookies, in an hour or less. The more chocolate involved the better for me. While living at home I’d joined Jenny Craig, lost weight and gained it back. Due to the financial costs I switched to Weight Watchers but quickly ended that program maybe after only 1 or 2 weeks. While others had been successful on such programs, I couldn’t stand the rules, the writing, the logging…. It was just too mentally draining for me. There was a period in my life that that I was so ashamed of the times when I would try to lose weight by just cutting back on the food and the sweets that I was eating, and I would crave the sweets so bad that I would hit the vending machine at work for whatever sweet thing I wanted at that time. That shame would cause me to find a stairwell and eat those sweets there, all the time hoping and praying that no one would use the stairs while I was enjoying my sweets. I couldn’t dare take it back to my desk because if I did my co-workers would see what a big failure I was. So, I was lying to myself by thinking that if no one saw me hoarding my sweets I could convince others that I was sticking with my plan. What I didn’t realize is that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, it was all about what I thought of myself and what truth I refused to face about WHY I couldn’t lose weight and keep it off. This takes me to the stage in my life when I moved from home at the age of 30…. This time to myself…this time of what I thought was going to be “unhindered self-control” would be the beginning of me finally getting the excess weight off and being happy with myself; a period which really became the beginning of my 10 year journey to where I am today. Keep in mind I never, EVER thought it was going to take 10 years for me to get it right! And hopefully what I say here today will keep you from walking around in the wilderness for 10 years (or more) like I did.
So, after I moved from home I did start “attempting” to be a little more consistent with my exercise but exercising when I got home from work was always a challenge for me. But anyway, I went back and forth between exercising in the mornings and exercising in the evenings 4 or 5 times a week. For as my eating, during this time I had been having horrible sinus problems where my nose just seemed to run like a faucet ALL THE TIME! My doctor had suggested I drink more water. I had little doubt this would help my sinus problems but because I was so frustrated with the nose blowing I decided to try it. Now you’re probably thinking, “What In the world does this have to do with weight-loss or developing healthy eating habits.” Just stick with me and you’ll begin to get the total picture and more fully understand my journey. So, okay…here I was doing my daily exercise, which mainly consisted of me marching or jogging in place while listening to music or watching TV in my apartment. For as me upping my water in-take, this was going to require me breaking my Pepsi and Coke drinking habits. I would have at least 2 -12 oz. Pepsis a day, operative word here being “least”. We know soda is loaded with sugar! So in order to break away from my desire for Pepsi or any other soda, I went to drinking lemonade when I felt I wanted soda. It still had to have a certain level of sweetness for me but I was slowly changing my taste buds from needing that acid and sugar taste I felt I needed from soda. It was probably about a year or a little less before I didn’t need lemonade at all and I was content with just water. To this very day 90% of the time my choice of beverage of is water, NOT BECAUSE I’m concerned about my sinuses but because I just truly love and desire water and have learned to drink it because of its many benefits to me. Keep in mind that during that time I learned to love water I was still eating my sweets. HA HA HA! BUT…coupled with my attempt to be more consistent with some form of exercise for awhile I tried just eating reserving my weekends to eat sweets instead of eating it throughout the week. That worked for a while but I quickly noticed that I was beginning to eat just as many sweets on the weekend as I would if I’d just been eating it though out the week. Though I felt like I was fighting a losing battle with myself, to my surprise I did find that the diminishing of the soda, consistent exercise, and my attempts to reserve the weekend as my period of “sweet-treats” became catalysts for my clothing sizes to drop somewhat. I noticed I had dropped from 22 & 24 women’s plus size clothing to 18 & 20 women’s plus size clothing! And I was feeling pretty good about that until one day I had an eye infection, which of course had me going to the doctor. So, I got to the doctor and as is standard practice, they did blood pressure check & weigh-in. I can’t tell you when was the last time I’d been to the doctor for anything before this point (I probably was still living at home –time of my last asthma attack. We’ll talk about the asthma later). So, when the practitioner did my weight I was in so much shock! “265 lbs,” she said. “You don’t look like 265…” That makes 2 of us lady because I didn’t realize how much I weighed either! So, I was standing there thinking…I was wearing a size 18 in plus size women’s or 20 plus size women’s jeans at the time and I knew the size I used to wear, so I could only assume that at some point I had to have weighed pretty close to 300 lbs! That was it! I didn’t own a scale so I went out and bought one.
At this point it probably had been between one and two years that I’d been living on my own with my new quest for change and realizing I needed a scale and I became almost obsessed with losing the weight. In addition to me buying a scale, I started buying different fitness gadgets and videos to move up from just walking or running in place in my apartment while listening to music or watching TV. It wasn’t before long that I added Metabolife, a weight-loss pill, to my regimen. By the time my weight-loss stopped moving with Metabolife I had found out about another pill called Zymax. I was taking it and saw great success. The progress wasn’t as fast as I wanted but I saw results. And of course, that too stopped working and for a very, very short time I started taking Dexatrim, another weight-loss pill. In my spirit I really felt God urging me to stop taking all of these various pills. I had absolutely no idea what the long-term effects might be (if any) and I didn’t want to find out. Even though I was incorporating more vegetables into my daily eating and changing the type of meats I ate (no beef or processed meats, just baked chicken, turkey (ground or baked), and fish), I knew something was still missing. At some point I bought myself a juicer and started buying up fresh fruits & vegetables. I started juicing. One of my sisters felt alarmed because she would only see what she called twigs & figs in my refrigerator, despite the fact that I was truly eating but just eating a lot healthier. After some time, I had gone from the 265 lbs I found out about in the doctor’s office to between 210 and 215 lbs. Keep in mind that during this period of weight loss I was not learning any real principles. I was not learning how to “truly” eat healthy as a way of life. I was not learning to be active through exercise as a way of life. I was not learning “how to change”. But what I was learning is that I was doing a bunch of things that would cause me to lose weight and then become stagnant with my exercise and eating patterns because my only goal was to reach a certain weight. I was not considering what realistically I’d have to do to keep the weight off. My mind was not on any of that. My mind was on reaching a certain weight only. And in my mind once I got there I could lay off some of the exercise. And you know what? With those thoughts I began a roller-coaster of inconsistency with my exercise because I felt like it was unrealistic to have to do exercise for the rest of my life. I was not considering that I do not have a job where I’m active all day so it was really unrealistic for me to think I could even eat normally everyday and not do any activity to use what I’d eaten. Also, in my mind I couldn’t see how I would survive continuing to diet until I reached my goal weight when I had so far to go for my 5’ 1 medium sized frame. And how do I allow myself to eat sweets at a party or other foods I shouldn’t indulge in at a minimal as people would suggest without sending my sugar urges on a rampage? And you know what? With those thoughts, my healthy eating habits became inconsistent, so the scales began to creep back up on me. No, they never reached the 265 lbs I’d seen in the doctor’s office or some number I never knew before I owned a scale, but I was on a yo-yo with the scales, with my exercise, and with my eating.
Then there came the period when I wasn’t losing and I wasn’t gaining weight. I was just maintaining my weight. And every year I’d vow to get to a certain weight by the end of the year. It never happened and I was so frustrated! I couldn’t figure out why the scale wasn’t moving. Yes, I was still eating my sweets but I didn’t feel I was eating that much. So I began to write prayers and notes to God regarding helping me with my eating habits and help me not crave sweets and help me crave fruit instead. I would stick these little notes and prayers in my Bible right in between the pages for Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. One year would pass, another year pass…and another…and another. During that time I would gain maybe 10 or 20 lbs and eventually get it off again. And at the beginning of every year I’d vow that by the end of the year I was going to reach the goal weight I had in mind…and every year I’d fail. But I noticed something very different was happening within me at the end of 2007. Have you ever felt like you had a great expectation of something, but at the same time another part of you is in complete objection to anything happening any different than had already been happening? Like a war of negativity and positivity going on within you at the exact same time? That’s what I had going on within in me on December 23, 2007 on a Sunday morning. It was like I could so clearly hear God speaking to me telling me some things He was going to do for me concerning my health, my eating habits…some things I’ve dealt with for years – one of those things being asthma. Now I’m going to share this but this is not for everybody. I’m not a doctor and absolutely offer no advisement for anyone. I’m just sharing with you today what God gave me. Perhaps by me sharing these things with you it will be confirmation to you regarding some things specific to yourself. For some time I felt God had been telling me that when I lose all the weight that He wants me to lose I would no longer deal with asthma. I can truthfully say that as I’ve lost weight I’ve had to use the inhaler less. What was once me using the inhaler once or twice a day is now maybe twice a week at the most. Sometimes it’s a little bit more. But in my spirit, in my being, I believe that God has been telling me that the times I’m having to use my medication is because that as years of fat stores break down in my body to be released from my body, with that storage are old toxins that are released into my blood stream contributing to those episodes of needing the inhaler. Once those years of fatty storage are dissipated I will no longer be bothered with the asthma, is what I believe God has revealed to me. So, again I stress here that I am making no medical claim as to what goes on in the body of an asthmatic. I’ve never, EVER read this anywhere…never heard anyone say anything remotely close to what I’m telling you right now. I’m only revealing to you what I believe God has revealed to me “about me”. I believe and know God to be “the great physician” in my life. After all, He made my body. And I believe that just as He reveals things to me about me He can and will reveal things to you “about you”, when you allow Him into “all of those area” of your life. Ok so we’ve zoned in on one of the things that I believe God is going to do for me and has been doing for me through weight loss, or shall we say – fat storage loss, which in essence adds up to weight…. But let’s get back to this date, December 23, 2007 which was a Sunday morning. I can recall this date and day particularly because I believe God spoke to me and told me to write these list of things, which I did and have it in my Bible still today (along with other notes & prayers – ha ha ha!). And I’m glad that I did because after 3 years had passed I would not have remembered that the rest of this journey I’m about to tell you about was attributed to some of the very things God told me that “HE” was going to do, not CHARLOTTE..no, not CHARLOTTE finally LUCKING up on a way to lose weight and keep it off – BUT HIM. I’d tried everything my way…Weight Watchers…Jenny Craig…Metabolife pills…Zymax pills…Dexitrim pills…juicing…dieting…cutting back…so many different tactics. So, after having no accountability for as my eating habits between April 2000 and December 2007, I’d lost 39 lbs that I was aware of after obtaining a scale. And I’d dropped in dress size from 22/24 plus size women’s to 16/18 plus size women’s.
So, here we are the start of a new - 2008 and I still have my same plan to reach a certain weight by the end of the year. But then I encountered Wednesday, February 20, 2008. A group of ladies where I work had organized a Biggest Loser Contest, so to my own surprise I decided to use this contest as a vehicle of accountability. I thought if I did this maybe I’d make some headway once and for all with my weight. I paid my $10 towards the bucket of winnings and joined the contest. That day when I left home I weighed 226 lbs. and I was determined to never ever see that number again at the start of another year. But more importantly I wanted to win this contest so I started praying, of course not leaving behind my ideas about how fast I wanted to lose weight. I told God I wanted to lose at least 2 lbs a week. The contest was going to be over May 14th and I wanted to be on the other side of 200 lbs. I was tired of seeing that “2” at the start of my weight. But you know what? During this period that I was doing this contest, God didn’t do any of what I asked. But what He did do is begin to calm my spirit and talk to me about taking one day at a time. He talked to me about not looking at where I wanted to be by May 14, 2008 or even December 31, 2008 but about what I wanted to see within myself from week to week. And it was then that I was able to say, “God I want to see daily changes in myself…weekly changes in myself.” I wanted to see new habits. But in my mind I felt I could not do this. God showed me that I could change. He reminded me of the main fruit…the one of the main characteristics of those who claim to have the Spirit of God tend to neglect – TEMPERANCE. It’s the last one named in the list in Galatians 5:22-23. He spoke to me just as plainly as I’m talking to you right now, He told me that I have every fruit – every characteristic listed there but some of those characteristics need a little more cultivating in me than some of the others, and one of those was temperance… moderation. He said if I would just get that under control by just reminding myself of that scripture every time I felt weak or overcome, I could win in the area of changing of my eating habits – and THAT, He said, would result in my weight loss and the ability to maintain healthy weight. But I had to truly know who I was. Too many times we who claim to be Christians put God in a box where we feel so victorious in certain areas in our lives and can almost make the next person feel like…wow I need to really grow to your level huh? But yet in other areas of our lives we look and feel, if we’re being real honest with ourselves, like complete failures. And that is not the way God intended for us to be. Jesus said in John 10:10 in the Amplified version, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).” How could I enjoy life when I didn’t even like the size that I was at that time? My size had nothing to do with my genes or some hereditary makeup, it had everything to do with me allowing my body and my eating habits to become like a runaway train. And God told me I had to stop that. So, during this time God began to teach me and tell me exactly what to do. Why did it take over 7 years you might ask? I asked myself the same question AND GOD. Perhaps I wasn’t ready. Until we are ready for certain things there isn’t a thing anyone or anybody can tell us to make a difference. And God, unlike ourselves or anybody else, knows when we’re ready.
So as the weeks went on with this Biggest Loser Contest I was following a pattern of eating about 5 times a day; something I had started doing a few years prior but paying closer attention to my portions. Also, instead of having any sweets I would have a 6 oz. cup of yogurt after my lunch and another 6 oz. cup after my dinner. I continued to be consistent with my exercise of 5 days a week every morning to start my day. I was also particularly focusing on the idea of if the food was not grown (no by-products) or didn’t consist of fish, chicken, or turkey, then I shouldn’t eat it. This is what God gave me to do. There was a period of maybe 3 weeks or a month after I’d begun the contest that I kept feeling this nudge, like God was telling me to eat a piece of chocolate. And this felt so strange and odd to me. So, I chalked it off to just being my mind. But now I have to tell you this was no craving that I was having…I felt strong and determined to not eat any sweets while I was doing this contest because I was afraid if I did I’d wake up my taste buds to the sugar and not be able to stop. But this “nudge” I was feeling was so strong that I gave into it. I remember it was a miniature piece of Hershey’s chocolate. I ate it. And being the “chocoholic” that I call myself, I have to tell you all it was SOOOO GOOD! But after I ate it, it was as if I heard God say, ok that’s it. Don’t eat anymore. And it was odd to me because you know what, I didn’t! ha ha ha! And that was the beginning of what I have come to know as me following the principle of what I call “spirit-led” eating. I felt so proud of myself because I had never in the past been able to do that…it’s always been that I had to follow with another and then another. Never just one! But I also want to quickly tell you that this does not mean that I keep sweets in my house. God has told me not to, so I don’t. I am well aware that I have an addiction to sweets so I don’t leave room for myself to fall into a temptation that I can’t escape. For awhile I use to compare myself to others who have conquered things and thought something was wrong with me until I found peace in realizing that everyone has what I call “their thorn in the flesh”. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, when you have time go and read II Corinthians 12:7-10. Paul had prayed three times for God to take away this difficulty He was having which he referred to as his thorn in the flesh. But the Lord assured Paul that His strength, God’s strength, is made perfect, made of most use in the presence of weakness. Also, keep in mind the scripture that lets us know that we are not subject to any UNCOMMON TEMPTATIONS and when those temptations come He will make a way of escape. My way of escape is to do what I know to do. Salvation and the Holy Spirit is not for the sole purpose of overcoming people on the job, dealing with loved ones, being able to pay our bills…it’s for EVERY facet of life. Too many times we try to compare ourselves to others or find reasons why some things are as they are for us instead of leaving it to God and letting Him work in us the way He desires to. Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s. God made you and He knows why a burden for you is nothing to someone else. Or what might be such a great burden to someone else is absolutely nothing to you. Let God be God in every area of our lives.
So day by day I’d check the scale to see my progress. I want to point out here that I do not recommend weighing everyday for everyone. Some people can’t handle seeing some weight gain or seeing the scale not move at all. For me, weighing everyday is an instant gauge for what I’m eating or not eating or the impact certain exercise is having on me. It’s my journal. Some people love to write down their exercise and foods they’ve eaten. Weighing works best for me. If I have to document the foods I eat I will quickly get frustrated. But if I see the scale suddenly go up 5 lbs the next day, for me I instantly know it’s that thick bread I had on that Subway sandwich. During this period, God taught me how to study my body and pay attention so much to the simple things in my eating and exercise habits that I instantly know why I see a sudden increase. And I can instantly make a change to rectify that increase (which is normally water for me) rather than allowing my body to become a runaway train because I haven’t been paying attention to myself. And it’s important for me to say right here…never let anyone tell you, “oh…it doesn’t take all that. Oh you’re becoming obsessed. That’s going a little overboard. Oh…you’re really going to start living like that?” YES – it does take all that. YES – if living the way God requires of me means I’m obsessed, then YES I am. YES – I’m going to start living just like this. We wouldn’t dare tell another Christian that it doesn’t take all that if they stated I’m going to stay sexually pure until I’m married – unless we had were living by the world’s view. We wouldn’t dare tell another Christian they’re going overboard if they said they read their Bible everyday for spiritual growth…or would we? The Bible tells us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is our reasonable service…meaning that’s the LEAST we could over Him. It doesn’t say present your spirits or your minds a living sacrifice. It says “our bodies”. And if your spirit isn’t in tune with God, as I’m trying to point out today, it’s a little difficult for your body to be in tune with Him. You can’t focus on someone else who has needs if you’re so uncomfortable with how you look. Some of us are not going to join that group to serve that we may want to join because we feel so uncomfortable around people due to our bodies. So, how can God use us they way He wants to if our bodies aren’t yielded to Him? Let’s move on in my journey regarding the Biggest Loser Contest.
So, remember that 2 lbs. I wanted to lose every week? Well, that wasn’t happening but I was losing about 1 lb on average every week. There would be weeks I did not lose anything then all of a sudden 3 weeks would pass and I’d step on the scale and see 3 or 4 lbs lost all at once. Remember God made our bodies and we can’t confine ourselves to diets or plans that promise you should be “seeing your results” every week. Just stick with God’s direction and you’ll be okay. What was even more important for me to see during this time is that I was learning positive habits. Removing the focus from numbers on the scale and placing the focus on why I ate certain foods and why God didn’t want me to eat certain foods was building discipline in me; ammunition for long-term weight loss and healthy habits. During this time God had me paying attention to the ingredients in the things I’d buy instead of arbitrarily just pulling it off the shelf and placing it in the shopping cart. I believe that the words in Hosea 4:6 are so true for us today; we are destroyed due to a lack of knowledge. Our health fails because we just eat without considering what we’re placing in us. Even too much of what is good is bad for us, so we still need to always be on guard for exercising every aspect of God’s Spirit within us; that fruit of temperance, otherwise known as moderation. Now does that mean I don’t go out to eat because I don’t know what’s in the food…I don’t know all the ingredients that they use? NO, it does not mean that but I do purpose to have control as much as possible over what I consume on a regular basis. God has taught me that limiting processed foods and other things as much as possible impacts my overall health and weight. Again, today I’m sharing with you my journey. And you have to resolve within yourself what the right journey is for you. Also, I want to point out that just as with any other area of my Christian walk, sometimes I mess up and I don’t eat as God might be instructing me for that day. Do I do it on purpose? No, just like I don’t purposely plan to say that mean thing to that person who made me so upset. But I correct my wrong and purpose to do the right thing going forward. Yes, at times I deviate from how God wants me to eat but I don’t allow those times to become runaway trains sending me back into bondage to food, in particularly sweets. And I believe that there are times when God permits me to eat things I wouldn’t normally eat on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s for my balance? I don’t know. I’ve stopped trying to figure God out in His instructions for as my eating habits just as I try to not to spend time figuring Him out in other areas of my life.
So we come to May 14, 2008, the last day of the Biggest Loser Contest at work. All the contestants gathered on the 21st floor to do our final weigh-in. Guess what y’all?! Nope! I didn’t win! HA HA HA! No, I didn’t…and I was disappointed, especially because the person who did win, in the eyes of us who had serious weight to lose, this girl didn’t have any weight problems. But I understand more now than I did then, that excess weight is relative to the person who is actually carrying the weight. But admittedly, at that time I was just a little upset that girl won. The contest was based on the percentage of body weight lost and not the actual number of pounds lost. Looking back now I realize that at that time I should have been celebrating my own personal winning, my winnings at learning how to change my lifestyle and actually be consistent. But instead, I expressed even more disappointment in myself by not recording the weight I had lost during that contest. Can you believe that? See you have to realize that I am one of those people who records milestones like this on my calendar. I still have my 2008 calendar from that year, and trust me…I checked and I did not write my weight on the calendar! But I can tell you that I believe my weight loss during that time was about 15 or 20 lbs. Even more importantly, I can definitely tell you that I did not let my disappointment in that contest keep me from seeing the bigger picture. I continued with my new lifestyle. My 2008 calendar shows that on Saturday, June 7th I started herbal supplements to detox and then on Friday, June 27th I noted that the scales showed me at 202.7 lbs. On the following Monday, June 30th I recorded my weight at 201.2 lbs! On July 5th the scales showed me at 200.4 and then a week later I hit a glorious milestone! On July 11, 2008 I weighed 199.5 lbs! Finally, the 1st digit in my weight was a 1 instead of a 2! HA HA HA! So, from the time I started my new lifestyle in February 2008 to July 2008 I’d lost 26.5 lbs. Twenty-six and ½ lbs in 5 months! That might seem too slow for some people but I have found the slow way to be so much better long-term.
But besides all the pounds lost, I want to take a few minutes to go back to my mention of the detoxing. Remember earlier I mentioned God’s emphasis on me learning my body and how it works? Well, you will eventually find when you get serious about your overall health that you will do what you need to do to educate yourself and have optimal health. Because of health issues I’ve gone beyond the scope of just eating better and exercising. Between 2007 and 2008 I’d discovered that I was constantly having problems with in-grown eyelashes and eyes that would suddenly get irritated and red, more red than usual as if there was an infection. I’d seen a number of doctors who had run tests and could not find the source of the problem. The last doctor I saw was a specialist who basically told me that we’d need to do a biopsy on your eye to get to the root of the problem and we can only do that when your eyes turn red again. Of course, I did not like what this doctor told me. So in addition to prayer, I started to seek God for what else I could do. One of those answers came in the way of a detox plan one of my brothers told me about, which I’ll point out I didn’t start right away. I had already been doing my own herbal detoxification and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to devote to the extreme 10 day plan he’d made me aware of through a book he gave me called the Master Cleanse. Basically it involved eating no food while drinking a mixture of fresh lemon juice, mixed with water, cayenne pepper, and pure maple syrup during those days. There was also a requirement of drinking a laxative tea and salt water at the start and end of each day to aid in the cleansing process. So, though I was reluctant to go through this process because I didn’t think I could do it, I took the challenge and started the Cleanse on July 23, 2008. At the end of the Cleanse not only did I see improvement in my eyes and the infections ceased, but I felt better in my overall health and I dropped another 11 lbs. So, now 26.5 lbs. after the start of adopting a new lifestyle, turned into 37.5 lbs lost. And of course, this loss just enforced my drive even more to continue my new positive habits. I did not dare compare a loss of 11 lbs. in 10 days to the weight that God was allowing me to lose naturally through just eating healthy, exercising, and simply following His instructions to me day by day. As I normally do, I continued to weigh myself daily and so no movement. But then about 3 weeks after the Cleanse, after the big 11 lbs. lost, I stepped on the scale and saw 187.8 lbs. That was on August 23, 2008. It was only a .7 lb loss but it didn’t matter. I’d spent prior years going year in and year out with no scale movement; not unless I was gaining. On September 14, 2008 I stepped on the scale and saw 185.6 lbs., another 2.2 lbs. lost after another 3 weeks. It seemed God was moving me in 3 week segments…HA HA HA! Now keep in mind what I said earlier, you can’t get hung up on seeing results every week when you’re doing things the way God has for you to do it. You will go weeks seeing nothing and then BOOM! SOMETHING! Here I was still another 3 weeks later…actually a day shy of three weeks, October 4th I stepped on the scale again to see 184.4 lbs. This time was a 1.2 lbs. lost. Then something very out of the ordinary happened between October 18th and 19th. On the 18th I weighed 183.5 lbs and exactly a day later I weighed 180.9 lbs., that was a 2.6 lbs. difference in one day. Why our bodies do the things that they do? I don’t know. I could have been that I was still holding water in my body and my body was doing its job to release that water retention, which is another reason that for some people it may not be good to weigh everyday if you’re the type to get too hung up on what the scale is doing. And I do want to note here that there were times that I’d gain a lb here or there and then I’d lose it. It’s important to learn your body and not mistake the changes your body may be going through for being true weight gain. But getting back to my numbers, October 19, 2008 marked a day of significance for me because it was the last day for the rest of the year that I would lose any weight. I had lost 45.1 lbs in the 2008. At the end of 2008 I could say I went from 226 lbs to 180.9 lbs. And yes, I count every oz. lost! HA HA HA!
January 1, 2009 did present me with a little gift of shedding that odd .9 oz., for which I was grateful. After all, ounces add up to pounds! But truthfully speaking I was feeling like I needed another boost in moving some weight off my body and toxins out of my body that might have found their home over the holidays, so I did the 10 day Master Cleanse again on January 17, 2009. At the end I’d lost 6 lbs; I was down to 174 lbs. After this I was coming up on my birthday, February 5th and there is something I want to note here…. I am so glad I documented some of these things as much as I did but I also feel like now that I wish I’d kept a journal of my e-motions. But hopefully you all are getting some inspiration from these things that I am telling you. Okay…I wanted to point out that my calendar shows that for 3 weeks after my birthday I had written on there…NO MORE ICE CREAM OR CAKE FROM THE FREEZER (TEMPERANCE). Remember I said earlier that I don’t keep sweets in the house because I’m easily tempted. Well, I don’t know what my struggles were for those 3 weeks but having that visual on my calendar must have helped to a degree because February 26, 2009 shows that I dropped down to 172.8 lbs., 1.2 lbs lost. This was 3 weeks after my birthday. You know I never realized until taking time to reflect back on my weight-loss the role these 3 week periods were playing in my weight loss. Amazing! Exactly a week later I lost 1 oz. A little over 2 weeks later I lost another 3 oz. Almost 4 weeks later, April 17th, I moved up to losing 1.1 lbs. So, I was now at 171.3 lbs. The 1st week of May I was seeing small increments of weight loss every other day. May 4th – I showed a drop from 171.3 lbs to 169.1 lbs. Two days later I showed 167.9 lbs. Another 2 days later I’d dropped to just 167 lbs. The last day I saw weight loss in 2009 was July 29th; I’d dropped to 161.4 lbs.
Then 2010 rolled around and I decide to do a beginning of the year cleanse. With that cleanse came a 5.8 lbs lost. Unfortunately, I must admit I gained that weight back in February during my birthday, I celebrated more than one day and of course some good eating was involved. But I did not allow that gain to become a runaway train for me as I had in the past. I quickly zoned in on what I needed to do, eating salads, veggies, fruit, turkey, fish…all those things that would shake my cravings for things that was not a part of my daily lifestyle. I didn’t get back to the weight loss I’d obtained after my January cleanse but eventually I did get back to the pre-weight – 161 lbs. It took me some weeks to get there but God and my devotion to consistency was the key. Since that time my focus has continued to be on eating healthy and making my workouts more challenging to produce the change that I seek in my body. For me it’s been more than just about weight-loss, I want overall optimum health. I want to point out that due to my type of workouts I have seen some weight gain due to what has been fat storage turning into muscle. And I’m at the point now where I’m able to discern what my weight gain is when I see it instead of me going into a depression. I pay attention to my clothes which fit better, which is another testament to the changes that my body is still going through, though I’m not seeing what I want on the scales. And I want to point out to all of you that you should take heed as well while you’re on your journey. Do not fall into the trap of just playing the numbers game with the scale. If it helps you, put things on the calendar so that you can visually see what’s going on with your body. Buy some piece of clothing that is at least 2 sizes smaller than what you are and hang it somewhere in your bedroom where you can keep it in view. Attempt to try it on every 3 weeks or so to see how you’re progressing in “inches” loss rather than just depending on what the scale has to say. Experiment with eating vegetables you have never eaten before in your life. Even though you may not be a vegetarian and don’t desire to be, find some vegetarian recipes to try. Mix up your eating routine. All of these things I’ve tried on my journey to keep me from becoming stagnant in my weight-loss or becoming bored. But more than anything, SEEK GOD FOR YOUR JOURNEY TO HEALTHIER LIVING and you won’t need anybody’s list of ideas. This is what I did and am yet doing, and you can do it too! If you have a real relationship with God, vow to a daily diet of what I call “spirit-led” eating.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Many of Our Lives Are Anomalies
According to society's standards my life should be a total mess. When my father died I was only 5 years old, so my mother raised me and my 6 brothers and sisters on her own. Therefore, according to some people in society I should be emotionally crippled in some way because I was raised without an adult male figure in our home. And the fact that we were raised in a neighborhood (Wellston) that most would consider poor (we didn't know we were poor) I should carry a poor "mentality" with me throughout life. Furthermore, even though I graduated Valedictorian in Wellston, the eductation wasn't considered "top of the line" when ranked with other school districts, so I should not have expected to make it far at a higher level of education. And then there was my mom's belief that books and boys don't mix. And because of her standard, my 2 sisters and I weren't allowed to date while in school under her roof (including college). This meant I should have either been a totally out of control female or been totally unable to communicate with the opposite sex later in life. If I was raised with the mentality that I should not expect anything beyond the statistics rendered by society, then yes, I would be doomed to walk this earth practically as a recluse because of circumstances that were outside the norm in my life. The truth is that I am not crippled in anyway due to not having my father or any other fatherly figure in my life. The truth is that I do not carry a "poor" mentality, but a mentality that I have and will always have exactly what I need. (There is a big difference between needs and wants). The truth is that I went on to a very good university, did very well in my studies, and earned my bachelor's degree in four years. And another truth is the only problem I have with the opposite sex is me yielding to the fact that I don't have to measure my self-worth against society's time clock regarding my singleness. The simple fact of the matter is that many people in life live above what society would expect of them.
None of us have to accept what society, a text book, or any studies have to say about what our lives will be. Life can deal you a bad hand but unlike the card game, you really do have the opportunity to change your outcome. But it all starts with your mentality. Probably nothing pushes me more than someone telling me I can't do something. If I find a loophole anywhere, you better believe I'm going to do my best just to prove them wrong. Nothing pushed me more back in 2008 when I was determined to stop seeing a "2" as the 1st digit in my weight on the scale than when I was being told, "You know you not gonna lose them hips." And you know they said the wrong thing to me, right? There was never any question about my build, BUT I KNEW that I was meant to be smaller that I was for my 5'1 frame. And yes! I proved them wrong! Never let anyone tell you what you cannot do when you know the possibility is there. Know the difference between the things that you can change and the things you cannot change. And once YOU KNOW, you'll be well on your way to be all that you were destined to be.
None of us have to accept what society, a text book, or any studies have to say about what our lives will be. Life can deal you a bad hand but unlike the card game, you really do have the opportunity to change your outcome. But it all starts with your mentality. Probably nothing pushes me more than someone telling me I can't do something. If I find a loophole anywhere, you better believe I'm going to do my best just to prove them wrong. Nothing pushed me more back in 2008 when I was determined to stop seeing a "2" as the 1st digit in my weight on the scale than when I was being told, "You know you not gonna lose them hips." And you know they said the wrong thing to me, right? There was never any question about my build, BUT I KNEW that I was meant to be smaller that I was for my 5'1 frame. And yes! I proved them wrong! Never let anyone tell you what you cannot do when you know the possibility is there. Know the difference between the things that you can change and the things you cannot change. And once YOU KNOW, you'll be well on your way to be all that you were destined to be.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Resting In God’s Plan
I look back now and remember all the misconceptions I had about life, about how my life should be. I had a lot of maturing to do, to say the least. One misconception conceived between my pre-teen and teen years had a dramatic impact on my life in later years. There was a friend of my youth who had access to a credit card. My friend told me her mother had given it to her for her own personal usage. I was envious because to have a credit card to me at that time symbolized status…importance…being with the “in-crowd”. Some years later (during my college years) I felt privileged to be able to tote a retail card around. Of course, after I finished college I didn’t feel so privileged to have that credit card along with the debt from my school loan and no job. It wasn’t until after I’d obtained more credit cards and financial debt that I came to value the freedom of not being indebted to others. I came to realize I had mistaken the “power of plastic” for prestige. I had mistaken the “power of plastic” for financial freedom. And anyone who gets caught up in that trap will always quickly find that thinking leads to slavery. That’s food for thought to ponder in more detail.
Still I think one of the greatest misconceptions I had about my life hindered me from seeing God’s personal plan for my life. For a while I was bitter with God because I could not obtain a job in the field I studied. It is here that I must point out that I never consulted God concerning what I should do as a profession or what to do just simply to support my means of living. I’ve heard some people say that God doesn’t care about things like this…what job we take…what we wear when we leave the house today. From personal experience I would have to say He does care. God knew that later on in my life the job I so desired would negatively impact my joy, my life. I remember being impressed with others who would arrive late at church (or maybe not at all) because their jobs detained them. Now isn’t that the most stupid sounding thing you’ve ever heard! It wasn’t the missing church part that impressed me; church has always been an intricate part of my life. It was the part of your job being so important (just plain DEMANDING) that it could keep you from somewhere you would otherwise be! At that time, to me that’s what looked like a very important person. I was so naïve back then! But see at that time all I could get were clerical positions that didn’t pay much of anything. I needed to feel important. Today I know that those who seem to be in important positions have a whole lot more responsibility than I had anticipated. Seeing where I am now in life, there are days I’ve wished my position wasn’t SO important. (Be careful what you pray for; you just might get it.) Today I no longer wish for some of the jobs I once desired. As a matter of fact, I’m now looking to change my career path. I’m truly grateful that in God’s infinite wisdom He blocked doors that would have opened to jobs He knew would cause me a lot more heartache later on. (How miserable my life would be right now).
God really does have a plan for our lives. And if we can just learn the art of letting Him have full control of our lives without having all the answers upfront, we will live happier, contented lives.
The Answers
There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight
before him, but at the end of it is the way of death….
I am the Way and the Truth and the Life….
(Proverbs 14:12; John 14:6 – Amplified Bible)
Souls—
Looking to the tube for a path
Jeans ride low
As their minds sink even more
Taking notes from the sounds
Taking notes from the videos
Taking notes from all their eyes take in
Emitted by the tube
Empty vessels—
Their lips wrapped around this bottle
Hoping to escape the pain
If only for a second
Hoping to wash over the truth
Wash over the past
Wash over tomorrow
Even if only for now
Destitute of heart—
These hidden souls embrace satisfaction
That only comes from taste
Consuming and consuming
Until their revealing vessels
Become more—
More than they can bear
Sending them spinning
Spinning on a vicious cycle
Out of control
Loneliness—
Driving precious diamonds
Into the hands of carelessness
Trampled and forgotten
Still like being picked from the sand
They rest in those hands—
The hands of the wanderer
Who knows not where they go
Refuse to be unguarded—
Open and fragile
Know who you are
And shield your eyes
Plug your ears
Be certain your Source of Truth—
Is from the giver of life
(Remember mankind is only a resource)
Face the past
Then turn
To your future
Knowing without a doubt
Where your answers lie
© 2006 by Charlotte R. Beard
Friday, June 24, 2011
The Big Picture
I think sometimes we think more highly of ourselves than we really should. Is this why in those really difficult circumstances we find it so hard to rely on God for the things we need? I was recently thinking back to a time when I was spending my lunch hour sitting in my car. I was parked on a fast food restaurant parking lot enjoying my lunch. I’d just about had enough of my fries so I started entertaining myself by throwing a fry or two out the window to some birds that were pecking around at practically nothing my eyes could see on the ground. I got a joy at seeing them just eat up those fries. Then my feeling turned from being entertained to feeling maybe I had something those birds needed…. I tossed out some more fries; the birds eagerly pecked away at them. Then the next thing I knew it was as if God’s voice interrupted my little deal I had going with these birds, “Don’t you think I can do the same thing for you?” Instantly these words came to my mind, ‘are you not more than the birds of the air for which God makes provision?’ Here I was looking at those birds through the eyes of someone who felt she was so much more than they were and was at this moment their provision. How could it then be so hard for me to remember during the times when I’m looking for answers to my own needs that there is someone bigger than myself looking at me through the eyes that I was looking at the birds?
God so lovingly and tenderly enjoys us. That’s the feeling I get on a day when I’m feeling I just want to stay in the bed. But He sends me that little “pick me up” by causing the sun to shine for me on that day. He cares about every little detail of our lives but sometimes we lose focus of the big picture. We fail to realize that our lives are not just happening to us. There is someone so far above our universe who has His hands in everything. Yes, we make choices; we make them everyday. But it is God who allows us to make those choices. Sometimes in our seeking Him for direction about those choices we may make a mistake. But in making our mistakes His hope is that we ‘learn’ His voice. We just have to remember that it’s not the end of the world when we’ve “missed it” as we might say. Learn the lesson. Be sure to learn the difference between God’s voice and the voice of reason (what I call ‘logic’). Move on. Move forward.
So what is the thought I want to convey here you might ask? There are times in our lives when God will use us to be a provisionary but we must not forget that God will also make provision for us. When we remember the spot we hold in the big picture we call life, it will be easier to let go of the things we can’t control. And during those times when we think no matter how much we strive to make the right choices we are doomed, if God is in our “big picture” we can not only be free to let go, we can be free to actually enjoy the “big picture”. It actually has some great scenery.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Window
It’s my place. The place where I feel closest to Him, especially during those really early hours before the sun comes up. Sometimes when that glow of light we call the moon is aiming right through my window, I feel as if He’s tuned it like a spotlight, purposely in my direction. I feel as if He’s been sitting behind that light just waiting for me to come into view. He doesn’t look for me to kneel. He doesn’t look for me to bow my head or even close my eyes. It’s just Him and me. I sit there, Indian style on the floor, in His view…. There I sit and just pour out my heart. I admit sometimes I get so caught up in my rambling that I forget to sit and listen to what He might have to say to me. Yes, the window is the perfect spot for my quiet time with Him. This is the place where everything else around me is just completely shut out. There is no need for formalities, no recitals of another person’s words.
It is at the window that I converse with Him just as I would with you. Sometimes at the window there is just complete silence. Sometimes there are tears…perhaps tears of pain, tears of regret, tears induced by the overwhelming knowledge and heartfelt sense of His forgiveness. And yes, even tears of joy. At the window there may even be times when that spotlight of heaven captures me in the midst of song. To think He would allow me to serenade Him when He has an audience of angelic voices to surround His throne.
Whatever the case may be…. No matter how much I have to say or how little I have to say, at the window I always know that place is extra special for my time with Him. For it is at the window that I sense His heart as He touches mine.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Spend More Time Doing Than Thinking
What a day! Have you ever had one of those days where you have so much going on in your head but none of it seems to be manifesting itself outside your head? Know what I'm saying? You know where you're thinking, "I gotta do this and I gotta do that." What am I going to do about that over there? How am I going to pay for that? Maybe I'll take that money from over there and do this and then by the time I do that the money would have come back for that.... On and on the craziness is going on in our heads while we go about our day looking completely normal, calm, and at ease to everyone around us. If they only knew the circus that was going on upstairs! Isn't that crazy?! But that's exactly how many of us spend our day-a bunch of chaos in our heads. And yes, if you're like me you've learned how to not worry but sometimes life can just catch you off guard. During those times we just need to remember to STOP...slow down and ask ourselves an important question. Why am I so anxious? And once you've had time to really think the question over you might come to the conclusion I did today. Charlotte, you have all these things dancing around in your head because the thing that you need to take care of today you have not done that. See, quite often I catch myself piling all the things I have to do into my mind that I know will not all get done on a given day. The day comes to an end WITHOUT accomplishing one single thing that I could have accomplished on that day. STOP wasting time THINKING about what to do and spend more time actually DOING.
I'm finding more and more that the source of the problem for many things I have not done in life is because of this very problem--I've spent more time thinking about it and premeditating the outcome rather than just taking steps TO DO. I hate when I do that to myself, don't you? We plan out the failure in our heads. And after we finally decide TO DO what we've been thinking, we wonder, 'why didn't I do this sooner? What was I so concerned about?' It is always good to be cautious, AND to think and look before we jump, but sooner or later we have to decide to take that leap. Simply thinking happy thoughts about that person is not the same as calling them. Simply thinking about that new idea is without value once someone else comes along and brings that same idea to light. As a once famous ad said, "Just Do It!"
I'm finding more and more that the source of the problem for many things I have not done in life is because of this very problem--I've spent more time thinking about it and premeditating the outcome rather than just taking steps TO DO. I hate when I do that to myself, don't you? We plan out the failure in our heads. And after we finally decide TO DO what we've been thinking, we wonder, 'why didn't I do this sooner? What was I so concerned about?' It is always good to be cautious, AND to think and look before we jump, but sooner or later we have to decide to take that leap. Simply thinking happy thoughts about that person is not the same as calling them. Simply thinking about that new idea is without value once someone else comes along and brings that same idea to light. As a once famous ad said, "Just Do It!"
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
It's All In "HIM" You Know
Now days when people are trying to get ahead in life they often refer back to that old adage, "It's all in who you know." People often feel that unless they make the right connections, know the right people, befriend the right people, etc. then they don't have a chance at getting what they want. Though there may be a slight truth to this adage people will often go through life feeling DOOMED because they are looking to people for their source instead of knowing the real secret to what they want and/or need. And what is the secret? The secret is recognizing that all these things/people we come in contact with day to day are only "resources". Depending on what you believe, when you begin to re-prioritize life you will start to recognize that God alone is THE SOURCE of everything we could ever want or need. The channel through which those needs/wants are met or simply "re"sources. Notice the difference there? Consider this from one of my favorite books for living life: A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. (Proverbs 16:9). Proverbs is a great book to read; a lot of wisdom--you should check it out sometime if you haven't. Let me repeat that: A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. Ponder that for a moment. It simply means we may make all the plans in the world we want, but when it's all said and done whatever is to be in our lives will be because God really is in control (whether we accept it or not). Yes, we should do our part and not expect anything in life to just FALL into our laps but we do need to stop wasting so much time trying to scheme, manipulate situations, worrying about who we know or don't know. No other person on this earth holds your fate in their hands. Do I need to say that again? NO OTHER PERSON on this earth holds your fate in their hands.
So, we need to refocus. Take our eyes off the reality of who we may not know. Look to God to direct us in what steps to take in life. Trust Him to put us in contact with the right people or in the right situations. Live in such a way that we can hear / discern what He is telling us for us. And above all else, know that if we are doing ALL we're supposed to do, if something doesn't come through that we expect, it just means that situation wasn't for us. I can't begin to tell you how many times I look back now and in afterthought understand why I didn't get certain things I wanted. Thank God! So, relax! I know at times it's hard to do but learn to trust God and know that it's all in "Him" You know.
So, we need to refocus. Take our eyes off the reality of who we may not know. Look to God to direct us in what steps to take in life. Trust Him to put us in contact with the right people or in the right situations. Live in such a way that we can hear / discern what He is telling us for us. And above all else, know that if we are doing ALL we're supposed to do, if something doesn't come through that we expect, it just means that situation wasn't for us. I can't begin to tell you how many times I look back now and in afterthought understand why I didn't get certain things I wanted. Thank God! So, relax! I know at times it's hard to do but learn to trust God and know that it's all in "Him" You know.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Are You A Sponge Or A Tall Glass Of Water?
Now I'm sure you've heard that phrase before, "a tall glass of water", in reference to a person's appearance but I need you to go a little deeper here. Think of the sponge in this way: good for soaking up water; absorping water. Think of the tall glass of water in this way: refreshing, thirst-quencher. Now I need you to think of water in this way: life-giving, energy. In life people can fall into either of these categories: being sponges or being that tall glass of water. Now, before you quickly jump to the negative side of being a sponge, it is important to understand that at some point in life we all need to have the ability to absorp what will benefit us, otherwise we dry up and become useless. But sometimes we can allow ourselves to just be stuck in the mode where all we do is soak up, and that's not a positive. Some of us soak up the life (that water, that energy) from others because we're never giving anything back. We're never pouring anything back into the lives of others. Shouldn't there come a time when we have something of ourselves to contribute to those around us or maybe even those we don't come in contact with daily? Don't just think about money, what about our time? Some of us have very limited income but we've been more than blessed with the ability to use our limbs to help someone. Really listening to someone when they just need to talk, or encouraging someone goes a long way. And shouldn't there come a point when after being in church listening to the minister every week FOR YEARS (and for some of us 2 or more times a week), that we don't require someone "preaching us happy" to move us to action? Shouldn't there be something in us that has flourished enough over the years that if we never heard another sermon we could now pour into someone else? If not, we need to really question what we believe or what we've been soaking up (mmmm...what are we soaking up? Topic for another time...)
When you have learned how to be that "life giver", when you are a tall glass of water you can turn someone's horrible day into a day where they just feel a little bit lifted than when they got up out the bed that morning. When you are a tall glass of water you know your purpose in life and you will effect the lives of those around you without trying. But keep in mind that you best serve others when you remain true to your makeup. Never feel like the only way you can make a difference is by being something that others want you to be. Perhaps I may serve my water in a very colorful glass and you serve your water in a transparent glass. Either way we're both giving water (life), the packaging is secondary. Let's just commit to not being sponges. Let's be that tall glass of water.
When you have learned how to be that "life giver", when you are a tall glass of water you can turn someone's horrible day into a day where they just feel a little bit lifted than when they got up out the bed that morning. When you are a tall glass of water you know your purpose in life and you will effect the lives of those around you without trying. But keep in mind that you best serve others when you remain true to your makeup. Never feel like the only way you can make a difference is by being something that others want you to be. Perhaps I may serve my water in a very colorful glass and you serve your water in a transparent glass. Either way we're both giving water (life), the packaging is secondary. Let's just commit to not being sponges. Let's be that tall glass of water.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
What Makes A Father
Having enough money to buy a child
Everything he or she wants doesn’t make
A man a father
But if you give them all the time in the world
When they need you most
(Whether they ask you to or not)
Then in his or her eyes you are daddy
Merely living with a child
Doesn’t make a man a father
But if you are so emotionally & physically connected
To him or her
Then you have a chance of being alive
In that child’s heart as daddy
And though at times you may find it difficult to give
What you’ve never been given
The man inside you knows it’s there to give
Because with this child you’ve been blessed
So, if you ever find
It hard to accept that you’re less than perfect
Just remember there’s a soul
That looks to you
And when you place them first
In their eyes you will always be—
Just right
Happy Father’s Day!
Copyright 2011 by Charlotte R. Beard
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)